meandering thru life

Lent is not a neutral word

andie33 — Wed, 22 Feb 2012 15:22:56 +0000

One cannot hear the word ‘lent’ and not have an emotional response. Lent is not a neutral word. When I think about lent as a child, I remember giving up candy, gum, or ice cream. The few times that I made it all the way through lent, I felt a bit smug and proud at the end of the 40 days. Most times I gave in to ‘temptation’ and then the guilt and remorse set in. But…those were my childhood memories. I’ve grown and my feelings about lent have as well.

I remember a lent a few years ago that was so joyous for me that I almost felt guilty for being so happy. It was a lent laced with love – with the thought of all that He did for me was out of love. His choice…He chooses to love me more than His own life. He chooses to accept me in all my weaknesses and flaws and, He chooses to die for me. His choice – my Grace. That year lent was a gift and it was a joy-filled 40 days.

Most lents are a mix. With so much inner and outer work to do, how could these 40 days not be a mixture of pain, sorrow, joy, and love? What will this lent bring?

I will try to remain open to whatever emotions fill me these next 40 days. I will try to approach lent as an adult with the heart of a child.

A Model of Reverence

andie33 — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 09:23:10 +0000

I just returned from a four day retreat at a monastery. Each time that I go on retreat, I am pleasantly surprised by what I take away from it. I go with expectations and assumptions, but thankfully, God has other plans. The grace-filled moments gift me with far more than I could ever imagine. Time alone, dedicated to God, is most necessary and fruitful. Wasting time with God? Yes, the very essence of prayer.

The few conferences offered contained so much that I feel as though I can only process bits at a time, but this pearl of wisdom touched my heart and has remained with me these past few days. This is what the retreat presenter said:

“If you want a model of true reverence, than you only need to look at the way that God treats us.”

Wow, usually we think of it as the other way around, but I dare to say, that our treatment of God isn’t always the best model of reverence! But, think about his words. How does God treat us?

The hairs on our heads are counted

Jesus died for us

God formed us in our mother’s womb

Our names are on the palm of his hand…

The list from Scripture goes on and on, but here’s another thought.

The fact that God honors our free will is true reverence.

“If you want a model of true reverence, than you only need to look at the God’s relationship to us.”

You really want to be careful with that one…

andie33 — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 12:13:13 +0000

I was talking with a couple people the other day. One of those light but heavy conversations…We got on the topic of some of the ‘big’ authors of faith, Rahner, Balthasar, de Chardin, etc. Oh, not that we were discussing their theology, no, it was more like…’why is it so difficult to understand their writings…?’

One of the people said something like, ‘Why do these authors make such simple tenets so complicated?’ He then went on to say, ‘Just read the Gospels, I understand everything Jesus meant’.

Oooooh, I’d be really careful with a statement like that! Jesus, the God-man who turned the world upside down. Jesus, the God-man who was unpredictable – silent when I would have screamed, slow when I would have rushed, faithful when I would have given up, loving when I would have turned away…..

Do I have faith? I sure hope so. Do I love him? I think so. Do I understand him? Well, I’m still working on that one…..

Wow, wow, wow….

andie33 — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 21:17:44 +0000

Has it really been this long? You’ve heard it all before….hours turn into days, days into weeks, etc. etc.

It’s been a whirlwind..both good and not so good, ah, the ups and downs of life.

So much of my time, efforts and energy goes into working with kids. Our kids, our hurting, lonely, searching, scarred and scared kids…just what are we doing to them?

Turn on the TV, check out the iphones, facebooks and twitters… The toys get bigger and better and the kids get more and more lost and lonely. It’s so sad….

I ask them to write – actually type answers, reflections and thoughts. They really open up because they are typing on a computer and not sitting face to face. It doesn’t take an advanced degree in psych. to hear what they are crying out for.

Please pray with me for these kids….

We’re counting on them….let’s help them actually DO what we thought we were going to do way back when in our college days….

There is something beyond the shrugs of the shoulders, the rolls of the eyes, the glazed expressions…look inside….that’s where God lives….in them….in us.

Did God Set Us Up?

andie33 — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 11:01:57 +0000

I just love the questions that kids ask. When they don’t understand something, they let you know…and often, there questions are our questions, we’re just reticent to ask them.

One of my favorite all time questions was posed by a fourth grader. He asked, “If God didn’t want Adam and Eve to eat that fruit, why did he put that tree there? Wasn’t God, sort of, setting them up???”

Great question—–and it took me a while to be able to answer it, because, well let’s face it, it would have been nice if that temptation weren’t there! And it would be even nicer if temptations weren’t there in my life either!

But, this is how I replied…..

I asked him if he were a robot. Of course, he chuckled and said no. If he were a robot, he would have to obey eveything that I asked him to do. If I told him to run around the room a hunderd times, he would do it. If I asked him to jump up and down for 5 minutes, he would have to do it, and so on….. He would not have the ability to make his own choices because he was programed to obey me.

And then I spoke of God’s love…a love that desires our love in return….a love that is so intense and strong that it is willing to take an enormous risk. It is a FREE love in that it gives us the choice to love back or walk away. It is not a controlling love, a love that forces us to love in return, it is not a ‘robot’ love.

And so….we have a choice! We know which choice God wants, but the choice is ours to make. And that is why that tree had to be in the Garden. If there were no choice, God’s love wouldn’t be free and complete.

It is all gift, really, our free will…..

We are free….free to accept God’s love, or free to walk away, and perhaps the greatest gift of all is….we are always free to walk back into God’s loving and forgiving arms.

After much discussion back and forth….I think that fourth grader understood….and I did as well!

Masters of their craft….

andie33 — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 12:23:38 +0000

Some people are just really, really, good at subtle manipulation. Sometimes I think that they have perfected this so well, that they may not even realize that they are doing it. And I, for one, am helpless when facing this.

I stumble, apologize, feel badly, beat myself up, etc., until I sit with the conversation and reflect on it. It is only then that I can say, ‘Hey, hold on a second…what just happened here?’

It is especially difficult when the source is someone that is close, someone you love, a family member or a friend. It happened to me yesterday.

Jesus was so acutely aware of this behavior. He always had a way of turning things around, in a loving and direct way. He held a mirror that reflected the behavior back at the person involved. And in response, the person either saw their false selves or the reflected light was too bright and they had to walk away.

Today I pray for the courage to love this person enough to continue a difficult conversation. I pray that in all humility, I can express my feelings. I can only do this if I love both the other and myself.

Today I pray for Christ’s wisdom, courage and strength!

What We Don’t Know We Don’t Know….

andie33 — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 12:01:28 +0000

Some of us were having a discussion yesterday trying to tackle the age old questions: Why does God allow suffering? Why doesn’t He stop it? etc. You know the questions…we struggle with them throughout our lives….

Someone offered this wisdom:

Think of a pie chart:

The smallest segment (yellow) represents what we know – our knowledge

The next smallest segment (blue) is what we know that we don’t know. For example, I know that I don’t know how to fix a car, or how to build a house.

The largest segment (red) is what we don’t know that we don’t know. In other words, most of what is ‘out there’, I don’t even know is out there. Hmmmmm….

And that is, of course, God’s knowledge. So, trying to understand the mind of God is far beyond what we can ever begin to comprehend. Hence, the question, “Do you trust Me?”

For further clarification….I refer you to the Book of Job!

Until We’re Together Again…

andie33 — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 11:36:26 +0000

Yesterday my ‘second mother’ went home to heaven. My dear aunt, my mother’s sister, lived next door to the house I grew up in. We were very close and there is a sadness and heaviness inside of me today.

Now, for the facts, she lived a beautiful and full life and except for the past couple of years, she was active and dynamic. She left this world at at the age of 94, just had a birthday a couple of weeks ago, although I’m not sure she was aware of it.

Although my heart grieves, I also celebrate because I know where she is and who she is with!

Today, in addition to my prayers for her and our family, I pray in a special way for those who don’t believe. How shattering events like these must be for those who don’t have faith.

Without faith:

There is sadness…..and no joy

There is despair…and no hope

There is death….and no eternal life.

On this Second Sunday of Advent, dear Lord, shine your light in the hearts of the unbelievers.

Watch your friends…

andie33 — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 12:33:07 +0000

We walk around with burdens….we’d love to be able to shed our feelings of guilt, fear, worry, etc. We have lists and if asked, we’d all love to be free of them. But, I wonder, have they become the actual fabric of who we are? Have they become ‘friends?’

There may be a subconscious need to hold onto these negative forces because releasing them leaves us vulnerable. We know what they are, how much of our energy they demand, how to co-exist, so to speak. Who will I be if I let my fears go?

It’s difficult because releasing them requires us to stand for a bit in the dark, naked and exposed. We need to re-define ourselves. ‘I’m a worrier, that’s who I am’ can’t work anymore.

Sometimes we may have to look hard at ourselves and see how much a part of us our fears, guilt and worry have become. We may have to excise them and that leaves us with open wounds.

It is then that God comes to us-

to receive those so-called ‘friends’

to heal our wounds…..

Shall We Dance?

andie33 — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 11:49:40 +0000

I have a pillow that inspires me…..

I won’t interpret it because I think that it will have a different meaning to each reader. It says:

Dancing with the feet is one thing,

but dancing with the heart is another……

Today….shall we dance????