I always get in the way…

Someone asked me yesterday if I knew a good book about God’s forgiveness.  I asked for some clarification and he said that his spiritual director told him that he has trouble believing that he is forgiven by God.  What is it in him that causes him to think that God doesn’t forgive him?   The conversation ended there, I didn’t want to pry, but it got me thinking.  How do I get in the way of what God wants to give me?

What holds me back from living my life in total freedom, in total trust, truly believing that I am loved beyond my ability to comprehend?  Am I afraid to believe it, do I fear that I will be disappointed or hurt?  Do I feel unworthy?  Sure, I may look and act ‘all together’ but if people could really see what’s inside….and yet God does.

Is it God that gives bit by bit or is it me that picks and chooses?  A friend always says that God answers prayers by saying, ‘yes’, ‘no’, or ‘not yet’.  Maybe that is, in fact, the way that I respond to him.  Like the rich man in the Gospels, do I sometimes walk away?

Create a clean heart in me, O Lord.  Help me to move ‘myself’ out of the way so that I can be open to receive what you so generously desire to give to me.  Help me to say ‘yes’ and then to open my empty arms and receive.  I pray that I may see more clearly….that it is not you who holds back, but it is me who gets in the way of your Grace.

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14 Replies to “I always get in the way…”

  1. What a timely post this is for me, Andie! Thank you.

    I have been reflecting on this these past few weeks, Andie, sensing that Godde wanted to teach me something and I was not sure what. So I bumped repeatedly in walls. And, oh, the silence, the greyness of everything.

    Ah, but when the sun shines again, how beautiful it all is…

    Blessings.

  2. I, too, have trouble receiving God’s forgiveness. It’s easy to KNOW that God forgives us, but to feel it in our hearts and actually forgive ourselves and not dwell on mistakes is another. In other words, I usually don’t let things go and don’t always feel forgiven… I constantly seek to improve myself, which can be a problem and can cause stress.

    Interesting questions!
    Beautiful prayer.

  3. Yup, I hear you on this, I do. It’s not so much forgiveness I have trouble accepting from God, it’s more like His love. I have trouble wrapping my arms (and head, and heart) around the fact that He loves me, flawed and fallible me. I don’t see worth it!

    I am so glad you stopped by today, Andie. I couldn’t for the life of me remember the name of your blog, and I was sad to be missing you. That’s no reflection on your blog, by the way, it’s just me…I am a scatterbrain. Anyway, I am listing you on my blog’s sidebar so I always know where to find you — that will solve the problem! 🙂

    1. Thank you so much for that Michelle and for coming back. I struggle with God’s love as well, it just seems too good to be true! Happy that we connected again!

  4. I haven’t been able to track back to your blog lately as it doesn’t appear under your name “Andie” so I, too, have missed some of your posts. You always give us something to ponder that’s worth the pondering!

    1. Thanks so much S. That’s quite a compliment coming from you – your posts are always inspiring and beautiful. I’ll try to correct that but I’m not sure I know how – I’m a novice at this blogging…

  5. Why I love Confession is so I can hear the words of absolution from another’s voice – the God in them speaking to me. It’s a Sacrament I am glad I came back to and the challenge to believe it. Not to walk out of the room with the same baggage you came in with. The Ignatian exercises where a massive help to me too as much of what I had to forgive – I had done to myself. Whether than would help your friend – and if he wanted a book – certainly Philip Yancey ‘What’s so amazing about Grace’.
    Let go and let God….
    blessings m+x

    1. You’re not going to believe this Word, but I told him about the very same book!!! I think I will give it to him tomorrow – seems as though there is a strong message there.

  6. I can believe it – a good book. Don’t argue with a ‘sign’ from both sides of the ocean, andie!
    I’ll pray for him.

  7. I can only speak for myself on this subject, for who am I to assume I know what is inside of another. But, I think that if I cannot except the forgiveness of God, it is because I have held myself so accountable for what has transpired that I have not forgiven me…Yet, I know, in reality, this is a morbid thought because Christ came “to forgive sin”, my sin (no matter how ugly), your sin, and all sin…if we only allow him. So for me, it is a question as to why I would not want to allow him to forgive me, after all forgiveness is a gift of Divine Mercy…mercy is never earned, it is given….

    If someone gave me a gift, I would accept it…why do I get in the way of accepting gifts from God.

    Sorry for going on so long…this one really stirred me! Thank you.

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