What a difference a year makes

bath-through-the-trees

It’s been quite a year…so many changes!  Life has taken me in a direction that I would have never planned.  Funny how that works, huh?  My life hasn’t gone the way I planned!  But in the course of many disappointments, sorrows, and betrayals, and pain, I have grown and learned and I now recognize that I am on a path to freedom.

So, welcome back to anyone who is kind enough to still read my blog.  Over the course of my next posts I will share some of my new-found freedom.  I will try not to overuse platitudes such as ‘when one door closes….’ but there is wisdom in sayings that have lasted through the ages.

Sometimes it does take a hammer to jolt you out of a situation where you are dying inside.  And…it often takes a very long time to realize that it is good, all good.  They say, ‘freedom comes at a cost’ (another platitude) – it did for me.  And so, as I continue meandering towards freedom, I hope you will come along.

Love is a funny thing….

So many of us struggle with God’s love.  When we first come to know that we are loved, our reaction is something like, “Oh, isn’t it wonderful that God loves me!”  If we could only stay with that pure, simple, child-like statement!  But often it can become a little distorted and our thoughts of God’s love may actually become more of a burden….

As we live our lives, we like to do things ‘our way’.  I may act out in anger, I may hurt someone, I may be totally selfish, I may put my own ego first (and this was just yesterday!!!).  And then I am reminded – God loves me. 

What comes next?  Feelings of guilt and oppression?  God loves me, how could I act like that?  How could I think those thoughts?  How could I say things like that?  This really makes me feel bad – God….maybe you shouldn’t love me….it might be easier!

Here I go again….confusing the definition of God’s unconditional love with conditional love – the only kind of love that I am capable of. 

The truth is that God loves us ‘in spite of ourselves’.  His love does not depend on me and what I do.  God’s love is a freedom, not a burden.  He loves me as I am – flawed and broken.  He sees and knows me and loves what he sees and knows.  I don’t have to ‘clean myself up’ for him – I go to him as I am and he loves every bit of me!  That is freedom! 

So, at times I am:

 The Prodigal Son

The Lost Sheep

The Lost Coin

How does that make me feel?

I only have to concentrate on the ‘ends’ of those stories…..

I am loved!